Myths of Fantasy Football Debunked

This is my analysis of Week 1's Fantasy Football action for the Women and Children First League on ESPN:

• You should show up for the draft: The highest scoring team was the Bowles Hole Gang who was unable to make the draft. Levi's Arrows beat Shag's Dogs. I was shocked. The Dawgs spent hours analyzing, sorting, reading, reanalyzing multiple sources of FF data to be beat by a team who did not show and did not adjust their lineup before the games. The Jerfs do not show up but have a concrete strategy (Cowboys and Giants). This year it could pay off now that Felix Jones may be replacing an injured Marion Barber. I myself developed a draft strategy, read articles, and sorted my draft order. Next year, ESPN is doing all the work. It might be more fun to be in the draft but not more fun than winning.

• Sleepers are value picks: My sleepers should be called zombies. They are dead and therefore have no value and therefore were expensive to me (and not values) because they are taking up precious line-up space.

• Pay attention to ESPN projections: I believe these are computer-generated and the algorithm does not look at factors like fear, stupidity, and guts. The Hats did not play Brett Favre because of his projections. Willie Parker was not played by the Arrows. I played Braylon Edwards and Joseph Addai and lost. Both were going to be blue chip.

  I have decided to trust the 4 year-olds in my class. I am taking my lineup and letting them pick who should play. . .the old faith of a child gambit. Speaking of the 'Nators and fear. . . we'll see if Peyton can get over this hurdle and Karen can take advantage of the QB/WR punch like she did last year with Tom Brady and Randy Moss.

• Drafting a great player in the first round can carry you through the season: Two words, Tom Brady. The Ponies picked him up early and will now be consulting my class to figure out who will replace him.

• Naming your team after an animal helps you win: Seems that having an animal name means you lost this week. The Badgers put up amazing points but the curse of the animal name struck. Ponies were ridden down. The Dogs sent to the pound. (What is a Jerf?) I'm changing the name of my team to the Rats.

• You should make not drastic changes to your team after losing week 1: After scoring 24.8 points and losing to the Aggies (who made some unexpected draft picks that paid off), I am going to revamp my team.